Aiming to be different.

Everyone wants to be different, unique, remembered, in that sense we are all the same, which is quite ironic. "maybe she's scared her life won't leave any traces, caught up like everyone else" - Frank Turner - 'Reasons not to be an Idiot'. Truth is, most things have already been done, most thoughts already thought, most inventions invented.
It's quite sad really, we all want to go down in history, desperately clinging to TV shows like X Factor and Dragon's Den, as if they make us any more important than anyone else.
What's the point in having your name remembered for an invention or a quote, when no one will remember WHO you really were, your querks, the things that made you happiest.
We cling to our little habbits and querks, they make up who we are and make us feel unique.....until we go on Facebook and see someone made a group for each one of our unique querks, and hundreds of other people seem to share them.
Realistically, with all the people in the world clinging to be somebody, whatever that means, it's pretty hard to be unique, yet we will always thrive to be.

It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

So apparently the world ends tomorrow, though I don't think I can get away with using it as an excuse to not do any work...

Currently I'm surrounded by revision all over the place, it looks impressive but really I can't remember writing any of it. Not looking forward to these A2 exams, but hey, who is? I can't be arsed getting stressed about them...even if they pretty much determine my future (whether I'll get into uni to study nursing and move out with David relies on me getting BCC).

I'm skint atm and I HATE it, so when exams are over I might just work my arse off and get loads of money to put towards my flat with David.

You get those phases in your life where you can't stand to look at yourself, well women do I'm sure, and I'm going through one. I need a nice haircut, to lose some weight and to tone up slightly. Could also do with some fucking bras that fit me. (Going up a bra size is both good for your esteem and irritating as hell). I think I need to work my ass off in Summer tbh, 'cause I need to treat myself to new clothes and a new underwear drawer before I go insane.

Dying tomorrow would be the biggest dissapointment in the world, I'm just about to start my life!!! So I won't be impressed if it is the end of the world, but I also won't care because I'll be dead. People are idiots. End of the world my arse.

Oh and I saw Panic! at the Disco on Monday...it was awesome.

"Dance as if you're hours away from death" - Frank Turner....get it??

University

Soooooooooooo got 4/5 unis lined up, Leeds and Nottingham being the most prioritised. Gonna live with David, he's gonna get a full time job and then do guitar tutoring in the evenings =]

I'MMA LIVE AWAY FROM HOME YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY :)

Responsibilities and stuff FTW.

Actually can't wait. I have a future to look forward to! YEAHHHHH!! :)

Guess I better get started on that personal statement then....sighhh.

I so wish my tutor (also my very shit biology A2 teacher) wasn't the one writing my reference... :(

I just want this year to skip by, and I want to come out of it with jillions of awesome memories and the best grades I can get. ('A's please!!)

Then I'll live on my own D: ...well, with David. IN LEEDS!!! Or somewhere...

If I didn't get into uni and had to take a gap year....it'd be the worst thing ever.

Pi and birthday.

I've decided to bake more often :) I started today by baking apple pie ...nom nom nom!! I'll upload a picture at some point.

I'm 18 tomorrow.....SHIT YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nom nom apple 3.14159265

Who am I?

Why do I feel like I need more money to buy the things I want to use to define myself? Because after all I could always try talking about the things I love to people instead of just listening to what they love.

'Cause really, I know a lot about my girls and what sorta stuff they like and love...but they don't know that much about the stuff I love...I don't need to buy stuff to show them that.

So here's some stuff I love as it comes off the top of my head with a bit of info about me included:

I love my LPs and my record player, I love old music...like war-time old, I love my home-made Domo Kun lamp, I love my sock monster, and making them, I love my Dr Who figurines and Harry Potter books, I love my shakespeare bookcase and reading the beautiful quotes on it, I love my 40s pin-up calender, I love all my posters and pictures of new york, I love my periodic table mug, I love the VlogBrothers and other youtube vloggers, I'd love to vlog but am scared people won't like me, I love my necklaces but feel I need more, I'd love to carry off the "vintage look" but don't even know where to start, I love it when you listen to a song and get that wave of emotion about the lyrics or a love of the artist...I love seeing my tickets above my curtain rail and wish I had lots more, I'd love to have those milatary style boots but don't have anything to wear it with, here's a biggen: I feel like I know nothing about clothes and how to put outfits together and it makes me feel like a failure as a woman...

I'd love to have just loads of gorgeous underwear to make me feel a bit sexier, I'd love to have legs like Nicole Kidman and I'd also love to stop whining about it and actually just lose the weight, I'd love to read more books, I like learning about the world wars, there's this metal household sign in a shop in Stockport that says "Happiness is a good cup of tea" which I really want to buy, I've already planned my future kitchen and bathroom and have been tempted several times to buy stuff ready for it...like that sign...and a cute garland in Stoke-on-trent consisting of little home made kitchen utensils on a piece of rope, I love baking - I really really do - tomorrow I'm making pie, when I'm with my friends I don't talk about stuff I like unless I know they'll like it too...

I started a new paragraph because I feared it was getting too long to read, I often get jealous of certain people for certain things but I don't let on because I think it sounds as if your angry at the person for having something you want and could make them feel bad, I'm trying not to use commas in things in this list as to not confuse the list but I really hate grammatical errors...I think I'mma stop for now.

Oh, but one more thing to add, I've recently developed a huge fear of death and sometimes cry at night because I've convinced myself I'm going to die in my sleep, it sounds stupid, but it's a genuine thing that scares the crap out of me.

There's only really one person that I hope will read this and I hope she doesn't skim read it because some of it means quite a bit to me and..well...yeah

DAMN YOU GIRL.

Why can't you be thinner??!?!?!

Hang on...let's rephrase that....

Why can't you GET thinner???? It's not fricking hard, retard, just stop eating all that shit. Maybe then, you can feel that sexiness you've been lacking, and have a bit more fucking confidence in your body, you fat hoe. Maybe then when someone calls you fat as a joke you won't break down and feel like turning anorexic.

DUH.

The world is so beautiful.

I wonder how people can think that we just exist, it just happened, it was a matter of perfect coinsidence. Look at us, look at everything. Everything is so perfectly detailed so that it works, so we can live, breath, eat...

We have emotions, we feel love and pain and hate.

Explain it to me someone please, how you think it just happened, how you can just so easily think that this is all there is.

Yes we evolve and change and adapt, that's science, it's fact, but whatever we evolved from...where did it come from?

The human body is so complicated, our eyes are incredible, we can see, smell, feel...so perfectly designed just like all the other living things on this world...so how can it just happen?

You can critisize religion as much as you want, when you know so little about it, you can judge from what you've heard and what you think when you don't even have a clue, and if that's what gets you by then enjoy it, enjoy never knowing and always judging.

So many rumours and lies about Christians and the bible and so many people believing them rather than actually finding out for themselves, and not just off google or wikipedia.

But if you're happy sat there thinking that we just happened, that this beautiful planet doesn't really have any meaning or purpose, and all these theories and religions that you know little about are just stupid, then you enjoy that, while the rest of the world tries to figure out and teach the reason to our lives and the reason we are so perfectly designed.


"If you don't believe in God, how can you believe in love? If we're all just matter, that will one day scatter, when peaceful the world lays us down" - Noah and the Whale

At the end of the day we don't need emotions and a conscience to exist and to function.